Ryan Wilhite

“Even If”

Have you ever cried in the cab of a tractor?  That’s where I was on a cold and dark night, back in November after shutting equipment down for the day. Maybe you’re going through the fire at home alone, on the farm, in a waiting room, at work or driving down the road. Even Jesus wept and experienced things that we have. He sees you and died on the cross for you. Why am I sharing all of this now? We went to see “I Can Only Imagine 2” this past weekend and the Holy Spirit was speaking through the whole movie.

God reminded me of what took place during harvest and that His hands are in every little detail. Rewind back to November. Harvest was getting close to being done and I received a phone call with some bad news earlier that evening. I was struggling bad. My wife and kids were at home, three hours away. I was out there in the dark, all alone with God. I stay on the farm during planting and harvest during the week. It works well and God has made it clear that we’ve heard Him right. I was crying out to God, asking Him why He allows these things to happen and many other hard, honest question’s.

After sitting there in the quiet cab of my tractor, I walked around the field I was in, talking to God under the stars. I felt a nudge from the Holy Spirit to go to town and get some food. It was getting pretty late and needed some rest. I started my truck and started driving. A song came on the radio by MercyMe called “Even If.” 

The Holy Spirit spoke right through it in that moment, even though I’d heard it many times before.

It starts out like this:

“They say sometimes you win some.

Sometimes you lose some.

And right now, right now I’m losing bad.

I’ve stood on this stage night after night.

Reminding the broken it’ll be alright.

But right now, oh right now I just can’t”

That’s exactly what I was struggling with. God has given me so much peace on the farm these last two years.  No worries or stress at all about the future or what happens on the farm. The only explanation for that is God. The enemy knows that and has attacked me from all other angles since. Going through some of the hardest circumstances of my entire life and many I can’t talk about yet. But the Lord will open that door when the time is right and He will use it all for the good and His glory. 

Absolutely nothing is wasted when it comes to God. I was struggling with feeling like a failure. Earlier that night before I heard that song. The thoughts going through my head were: 

“Lord, you have me share hope and how good You are, every single day and you’re helping people through your testimony.

I know you love me and are so faithful, why am I struggling so hard right now and wondering where you are?”

Not too long after, I heard Him loud and clear while listening to those lyrics with His perfect timing.  It’s okay to not be okay, because God is always with us. Once you begin a relationship with Him, He’ll refine us until we’re called home. It’s a never ending process. He can work through anyone no matter what you’re going through. It’s easy to sing and praise Him when there’s nothing to bring you down. But what will you say when you’re held to the flame like I am right now?

God gave me peace and I could feel His love and presence stronger than ever in the truck that night. He used a song to help me through that storm. I had it on repeat for the rest of harvest and throughout this winter. Singing it with my hands lifted most days. He can use anything to help us or speak to us. Surrender to God and praise Him no matter what happens in your life. He always has a plan.   If you’re struggling right now and wondering why? Know that God loves you and has a plan and purpose for your life. 

God is in everything, in the fire, the storms, addiction, feeling like a failure, death of a loved one, cancer, times when you don’t want to be here anymore and the darkest days of your life. Job 13:15 says: “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him." Put your hope and trust in God. And don’t ever forget these words that I was able to sing during that dark night back in November. “I know You’re able and  know You can.  Save through the fire with Your mighty hand. But even if You don’t. My hope is You alone.”It is well, with my soul!