The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.

A Tribute to Real Fatherhood

by Dessa Rodeffer, Publisher/Owner

19 June 2002

This tribute to fatherhood by Doug Patton was just too good to pass by, so I am using it in place of my column this week. I hope you enjoy it.

"I'm seein' my father in me, I guess that's how it's meant to be. And I find I'm more and more like him each dayI notice I walk the way he walks, I notice I talk the way he talks I'm startin' to see my father in me"- Chorus to "Seein' My Father in Me" by Paul Overstreet Music... lyrics carried along on an unforgettable tune.

My eclectic tastes run the gamut, but the songs that are among my favorites are those that speak of love, marriage and family. As always, I felt a tear or two as I listened over Father's Day weekend to Paul Overstreet's ode to his own dad, and I started thinking about what it means to be a real father.

When my two sons were born in the 1970s, I remember vowing that I would never become like the father in Harry Chapin's "Cat's in the Cradle." I would savor every moment and always have time for my boys.

I remember quoting an especially poignant verse from Dan Fogelberg's "Leader of the Band," in a letter to my dad on the occasion of his 70th birthday in 1992:

"I thank you for the music, and your stories of the road I thank you for the freedom when it came my time to go I thank you for the kindness, and the times when you got tough And Papa, I don't think I said ÔI love you' near enough."

Looking back, I realize that Harry Chapin was right. Time has a way of rushing past our best intentions before we can even catch our breath, and now my sons are grown men in their twenties.

Interestingly, a twenty-year gap separates me in age from the man whom I would today call my best friend, thus placing him, at 34, much closer to my sons' ages than to mine. His name is Troy. We met on a congressional campaign in 1994. Now a stockbroker, he was then the campaign's finance director, while I served as the speechwriter. My wife has always said that Troy and I became best friends despite our age difference because he is mature for his age and I never grew up, an observation with more truth in it than I care to admit.

Troy has a little boy of his own now. His name is Ryan, and he is two-and-a-half years old. I watch them bond and interact, and I wonder where all the years went since that summer night in 1973 when my first son was born, or that autumn morning in 1975 when I watched his brother come into the world.

Ryan is blessed by the love of a father who has made the commitment to pour himself into his son's life at every opportunity. When I see them together, I am encouraged for the future of my country.

Chuck Colson of Prison Fellowship talks about the reaction of incarcerated men when asked for their thoughts on Father's Day and Mother's Day. Most all of them have kind words to say concerning their mothers. Almost to a man, they have nothing good to say about their fathers - if they ever even knew them.

I could lament the corrosive elements at work on today's American family, but it has all been said before. Entire books have been written on the subject. Dire warnings have been given about the consequences of a fatherless generation. Greater wisdom than I will ever hope to possess has been brought to bear on the crisis

The harsh reality of those inmates is the stuff of which real life is made, but so is the love I see Troy pour into the life of his son.

I enjoyed the company of my wife and two sons on Sunday. We talked about our hopes and dreams, cooked steaks on the grill, ate too much, shared a laugh or two and they gave me the perfect Father's Day gifts.

Maybe, just maybe, enough of real fatherhood still lives, the kind of sacrificial fatherhood I see displayed in Troy, and I say a prayer for the heart of America on this Father's Day, 2002.

Copyright 2002 by Doug Patton

Doug Patton is a freelance columnist who has served as a speechwriter and policy advisor to federal, state and local candidates and elected officials. His columns appear in newspapers across the country and on several Internet web sites, including www.GOPUSA.com and www.AmericasVoices.com. E-mail him at dpatton@neonramp.com.