The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.

Shopping For A College

by Dessa Rodeffer
Quill Editor/Publisher

7 June 2000

What do you look for when you are searching for a college for your graduate?

You consider their hopes and dreams, and as parents, you try to be unselfish for the sake of their success.

Is money a factor?

It seems it always is.

My first four children all attended college and graduated with a degree and a debt of school loans to go along with it, but it was an investment they felt was worth paying for.

Parents usually help their children, as they can afford to, but they do not want to "bankrupt the family farm" so to speak, to get their children an education.

A student should feel an obligation in helping contribute toward their own college education.

I was reading one sad account in Fortune Magazine where a father shocked his family near the time of his death.

Their father was dubbed by his children as a prudent, reliable, non-extravagant man, yet a world-class provider.

He was financially successful as a Vice President of a large insurance company and sent his 5 children to the best schools, bought them computers, the things they needed, and even helped pay for grad-school, too.

The children were all very successful.

The shock came to the family during the year prior to their father's death.

This very practical man who prided himself on his timely payment of bills, had secretly been accumulating what had been a staggering personal debt.

Not even his wife was aware of any problems until the final year.

When two of the sons pushed their way into their father's office and into his financial records, it was found their father had accumulated $128,000, nearly half of it on high-interest credit cards!

The family was completely shocked about their father who was aloof and sometimes discreet, but who always seemed to have everything under control.

Within the year, he suffered a heart attack and in four months died at the age of 84.

Similar articles could have been written about any of today's beloved parents who want so much to be good providers and for their children to succeed.

In fact, a professional financial adviser feels this story could be the same for 8 out of every 10 people who read Fortune Magazine.

The parent instinct is that we want to do it all for our children so that they will see us as a strong and powerful parent.

Heaven help us if we ever let our guard down and let them know we are as vulnerable as the rest of the world.

But, in our children's eyes, how can they ever compare or live-up to that fallacy?

I have been told by successful businessmen, lawyers, and judges that a person can get a good education anywhere he wants if he applies himself.

It doesn't have to be the most expensive college or thousands of miles across state lines.

Students can earn scholarships, they can attend junior colleges, obtain grants, and can even work while attending college.

Where parents are able, they should help their children, but there are many opportunities for helping students such as phone bills, gas, food, clothes, and extra activities. They all add up not to speak of college tuition and text books.

Believe it or not, my oldest kids feel that their struggles in helping themselves at college and not always being able to afford things molded them into better individuals.

They are appreciative of what they had to do to gain their education. They worked hard for it and that makes their education more valuable to them.

It seems as they struggle, they more easily understand what it is like when we struggle with the pressures and demands of today's world.

I can remember when it was difficult to buy them all shoes, let along computers. But in today's world, a computer is getting to be a needed tool for families and children.

Although computer prices are falling (I saw one flyer for $599), it is still expensive enough that the average family will need to reduce their budget or bring in some extra income to buy one. Plus they will need to pay for the Internet hook-up and monthly fee.

Better yet, students can work to pay for half or even all of it. When we work for what we get we are more apt to use it, value it, and take care of it. Although we all want to do everything we can to help our kids succeed, we as parents can do too much for our kids at times.

One of my sons was fortunate enough to work hard in basketball and earn a scholarship at Culver Stockton. His determination as a freshman paid off in less college debt, but he still had struggles as things were tight. But he now values those times he struggled in college.

A businessman from Monmouth told me his son had earned a golfing scholarship at Illinois State University in Bloomington, but in the days when he was a college student, he had to pay for everything himself, even though his father had the money. At the time he wasn't too happy about it but he sees the value in it now.

He said a girl from his college had wealthy parents and everything paid for.

She had a new sports car, and a year's lunch ticket but never seemed to appreciate these things. She never used the lunch card but ate out instead, so she would give her lunch card to him.

He really appreciated the lunch card, much more than she had, he said.

The key: appreciation. It is something we can't buy our kids. We learn to appreciate things by working hard for them, not by having everything handed to us.

Our children applied for and received various scholarships, and most of them worked at school work programs as well as at summer jobs.

They had an old beater to drive, but lots of times it sat at college because they didn't have gas money.

The experience kept them poor enough to keep studying and then one day, they found it all paid off.

My youngest, Matt, is seeking an athletic baseball scholarship to help pay his way into college, which may prove to be the most work a person can give at college while balancing his studies.

(I will tell you more about Matt's recruiting process in a later editorial.)

Our kids can accomplish a lot on their own if we loosen the strings, be generous with the encouragement, and try not to solve all their problems for them.

Although a helping hand is needed, doing too much can spoil them to the point they won't have the opportunity to develop their hidden strengths and talents.

Selecting a college is not easy, especially if you do not know your major, but I am sure where ever our students will go, they can obtain a good education.

Their education will be not only in books and a degree, but also an education in life.

They will learn about roommates, relationships, in taking care of what they have, cause and effect of their actions, and the rewards of a job well done.

They will also learn that they will never know all the answers but they will learn how to look for them.

College is a great investment for our children, but as we help and encourage them, remember to let them do as much as possible, for it is the struggles that we hate that will make us grow the most.

Making choices and overcoming obstacles:isn't that what most of our lives have been about?