The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.
Greetings to ever one in western Illinois and all readers of The Quill. I’m a hope’n last Sunday’s morning windstorm didn’t cause ya too much grief.
Wind Storm
Those what has corn yet in the field shore got a surprise after the Lord pulled the cork outa his wind tunnel. It came at us wilder’n a turpentined cat and flattened some fields what were stand’n good afore she hit.
Other fields, not too far away, were left stand’n - the lucky buggers. When a straight line wind comes after your crops as wild as a corn-crib rat, ya gots yourself a mess to clean up afterwards. Those folks in Washington, Illinois, as well as elsewhere, found that out.
Bad Print
A local newspaper shore has been give’n farmers a black eye with a bad set of facts put out by AP. They ain’t too careful with the truth and as a consequence does our rural communities an injustice.
Well, Cornelius sez its highest and best use is line’n his bird cage to collect poop comparable to the print it distributes. A change of pasture makes fer a fatter calf, so sez Bill Jones and so he quit read’n that paper a while back when they heaped disdain on the American farmer.
As for Bill he sez their news gather’n abilities is such they couldn’t track a fat cat through a snowdrift and they is so dumb concern’n farm’n matters they couldn’t teach a hen to cluck.
Well, I won’t say I agree with either Cornelius or Bill in them matters but I was mighty disappointed in their printed attack on farmers ability to do a good job, as put out by the AP. After they’ve destroyed the economic viability of our rural communities, what will be their next destructive goal.
But then Buster Jenx sez not to argue with them. He sez it’s improfitable to argue with a fool. If’n ya beats him in the argument, what have you gained. You have only beat a fool, what is that to care about. But, if’n the fool somehow beats ya, look what gain is there to be outwitted by a fool.
Well, Buster, I’m not fer putt’n anyone in any of those categories. I simply wish the local paper were careful with the truth.
In light of the recent wind damage and the local papers misrepresentation of facts through it’s AP articles, it might be good fer some humor to brighten up your day.
Why We Love Children
1. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later....’Da-ad...’
‘What?’
‘I’m thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?’
‘No, you had your chance. Lights out.’
Five minutes later: ‘Da-aaad...’
‘WHAT?’
‘I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??’ ‘I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to smack you!!’
Five minutes later....’Daaaa-aaad....’
‘WHAT!’
‘When you come in to smack me, can you bring me a drink of water?’
2. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him ‘How do you expect to get into Heaven?’
The boy thought it over and said, ‘Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!;
3. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turnoff the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, ‘Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?’
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
‘I can’t dear,’ she said. ‘I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.’
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
‘The big sissy.’
4. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, ‘Mummy, you are getting fat!’
I replied, ‘Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy.’
‘I know,’ she replied, but what’s growing in your rump?’
5. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer...She read,’ ....and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, ‘The sky is falling, the sky is falling!
The teacher paused then asked the class, ‘And what do you think that farmer said?’
One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think he said:
“Holy cow! A talking chicken!’
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
6. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
“I’m Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter.”
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, “I’m Jane Sugarbrown.”
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, ‘Aren’t’ you Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter?’
She replied, ‘I thought I was, but mother says I’m not.’
7. A little girl asked her mother, ‘Can I go outside and play with the boys?’
Her mother replied, ‘No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough.’
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, “If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?”
There ya has it then. Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!! And remember, don’t loose faith in your farmer friends because of some goofy misquoted AP writer!
Hope’n to see youn’s in church this week.
Where ever ya is,what ever ya be a do’n
-BE A GOOD ONE!!
Keep on Smile’n
Catch ya later
BARNYARD BRUKE