The Hancock-Henderson Quill, Inc.
Greetings to ever one in western Illinois and all readers of The Quill.
The rain came round here about just in time to spoil some of the Labor Day weekend festivities.
By Monday, tho, the sun was out fer a hot, humid, muggy day. I never heared any one complain'n bout the rain, however!
Saturday, be'n a rainy day, the boys had themselves a brain tease'n contest. It shore enough seemed pretty good so I'll share it with youn's.
Here's a riddle fer smart folk. Only 5% of Stanford University graduates figured it out!
Can ya answer all seven of the follow'n questions with the same word?
1. The word has seven letters....
2. Preceded God....
3. Greater than God....
4. More evil than the devil....
5. All poor people have it....
6. Wealthy people need it....
7. If ya eats it, you will die.
Try hard now to figure it out cause Cornelius Farkward figured it out right off the bat. I'll let ya know the answer next week.
The boys then gave a quiz fer bright folk, which is most of all Quill readers. This quiz has only nine questions and is fer youn's who know ever thing. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers:
1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?
4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters "dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them.
7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?
8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter "S'.
Think hard on this quiz and I'll give ya the answers once again in next weeks column. Oh, and by the way, Sandy Bob got 100% of the answers correct to those questions.
Buster Jigs then chimmed in with the follow'n definitions fer the boys intertainment. They goes as follows:
Adult: A person who has stopped grow'n at both ends and is now grow'n in the middle.
Beauty Parlor: A place where women folk curl up and dye.
Chickens: The only animals ya eats before they are born and after they are dead.
Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
Handkerchief: Cold storage
Inflation: Cutt'n money in half without damag'n the paper.
Mosquito: An insect that makes ya like flies better.
Raisin: A grape with a sunburn.
Secret: Something ya tells to one person at a time.
Skeleton: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
Toothache: The pain that drives ya to extraction.
Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
Yawn: An honest opinion expressed openly.
Wrinkles: Something other folk has.
After all that and with the ran spoil'n their previous plans fer the day the boys decided to take in a movie.
With the Republican convention just over and the Democrat convention come'n up and the Presidential election just around the corner they chose to go up to West Burlington at the mall and watch the movie: 2016: Obama's America.
It seems there has been a lot of enterest'n talk about that there documentary.
Well, when they came back they wuz so excited they had'ta walk sideways just to keep from flyin'.
Of course, I didn't go cause the title seemed as excitin' as watchin' clothes dry on the line on a calm day. I figured I'd have more fun watchin' grass grow now that the lawn was get'n a drink.
I was informed that I had it figured wrong, they sez it's a must see! I guess it's a movie ever one should watch and form their own opinion. I reckon me and the Mrs. will head out and give it a chance cause the boys don't normally react thata way to a movie, especially a documentary.
By the way, I was just josh'n ya earlier about wait'n next week fer the answer to the riddle fer smart folk. I didn't want youn's peak'n ahead too soon.
The answer to that riddle is the word: NOTHING!
NOTHING has 7 letters.
NOTHING preceded God.
NOTHING is greater than God.
NOTHING is more evil than the devil.
All poor people have NOTHING.
Wealthy people need NOTHING.
If you eat NOTHING, you will die.
The answer to the quiz of nine (9) questions fer bright folk is:
1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends: Boxing.
2. North American landmark constantly moving backward: Niagara Falls. The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.
3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.
4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry.
5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.
6. Three English words beginning with dw: Dwarf, dwell and dwindle.
7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar: Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces and ellipses.
8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold, frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce.
9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with "S': Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.
There ya has it then. Tear out this column before your spouse, sibling, friend, or teacher has a chance ta read'it and pose a few of them questions or that riddle on "em. See how smart they is in comparison to Cornelius and Sandy.
Corn yields I'm a hear'n are range'n from the mid 70 bpa to one over 200 bpa 14% corn. That's leave'n out the disasters. Test weight is good but standability is in grave doubt. Better not wait too long or ya might experience field loss and lower prices.
Wherever ya are, do your best and bring some sunshine to someone's day! Hope to see you in church this weekend.
Keep on Smile'n
Catch ya later